Never Forget- Childhood is Magic ⋆ Award Winning Kansas City Photographer

Something wasn’t right.

It was obvious by the sad, concerned look in my daughters eyes. ‘Momma, I need to talk to you about something…’

She doesn’t keep secrets from me, at least not yet. She was born a truth teller and it’s one of the foundations I’ve build upon as a parent.

In our house, truth is paramount to trust.

So naturally, I struggle with inner turmoil when questions arise about Santa Clause or the Tooth Fairy.

While I try not to answer questions directly about Santa or the ‘magic’ that happens in our house around the holidays, it’s hard not to lie.

This year, my daughter is in 5th grade and fifth graders aren’t shy when it comes to debunking Santa Clause. And they aren’t exactly ‘kind’ to the kids whom still believe in magic.

On this particular afternoon, she’d pulled a tooth.

More accurately, she ripped it out. At 10 years old gaining a $2 bill for a tooth makes the pain worth it. She approaches me with her tooth as I’m brushing my teeth.

It’s bedtime and we are in the middle of our night time routine. My mouth is full of fresh foam so I nod encouraging her to continue.

‘I know something… and I want to tell you… I NEED to tell you… but don’t have any reaction. OK?’

My mind begins to race through questions she might have at this age… Oh Lord! Am I ready for whatever she’s going to say next?? I relax my face in an attempt to remain neutral.

‘I know…‘ she takes a deep breath. ‘… the truth about Santa Clause and I know the truth about N.C. I’ve figured out you are ALWAYS really tired and grumpIEST the morning, those mornings after N.C. does something really cool. Plus your handwriting looks really alike…’ she takes another breath.

‘Don’t SAY ANYTHING!‘ she repeats.

She shares the conversation at school where she formed these conclusions. As she finishes the worried lines re-appear on her face and tears well up in her eyes.‘Mom? Is N.C. still going to come next year?‘

HELLO N.C. (the magical Nutcracker)

Move over Elf on the Shelf, we have a magical Nutcracker! N.C. aka the Nutcracker, became a tradition on our house when my daughter was 5.

The holidays were an opportunity for me to start fresh and think positively about our new journey together.

An opportunity to create memories together, moments which would get us though the tough times.

It was the first Christmas with just the two of us and I wanted to distract her. Really the truth was I needed a distraction too. I needed to put my focus on her instead of the future I’d planned crumbling around us.

She was taken with this movie ‘The Nutcracker- The Untold Story. Tchaikovsky’s music is the best thing about the film but I learned to enjoy it because she loved it so much. Sure, the rats are Nazi’s and the story tries to reach into something deeper than the comprehension level of my 5 year old.

But I went with it, locating an old Nutcracker stored along with other ornaments from my youth-

A Christmas Tradition Was Born

She became very attached to her Nutcracker and he surprised her the following March for her 6th birthday. Her complete belief in this Nutcracker made me question if I had made the right decision? From the time she was 5 until 8, her Nutcracker went everywhere with her at Christmas time!!

Every November I search for where I hid our silly Nutcracker the previous year. The internet provided ample ideas for N.C. to try and more often than not, he didn’t do anything extraordinary.

But there were mornings he’d stayed up late making snowflakes and leaving gifts. He hid in our tree, drew pictures, flew from the ceiling and colored our milk. As my daughter ‘ages out’ of the magic I hope she’ll remember this time fondly.

When will Childhood Magic Disappear?

It’s difficult to keep it consistent year after year but I do it because she believes.

She WANTS to believe… but only for so long. At some point I know she’ll figure it out. That magical look in her eyes will disappear replaced by eye rolls.

I refuse to go quietly into the years of teenage apathy. Daily I make magic with my camera and I know I can continue to bring that into my house.

Little things can be magical if you choose to see the world through a magical lens.

We finish our night time routine in her bedroom.

I whisk the covers up and down creating a balloon over her head and she giggles as I repeat the process with her blankets. I lie my head down next to hers.

She grabs a tiny envelope and carefully deposits her tooth.

‘Oh no!‘ she gasps, “I almost forgot! I need to finish writing my questions for the tooth fairy! Good night mamma.” She gives me a kiss, grabs her colored pencils and feverishly begins writing. I smile and leave her to write her letter.

My heart aches a little, aware of how precious time quickly disappears.